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My job is looking for a job. | fancygal's Blog


I hate Mondays because I can't find permanent work.

So on Mondays I go to work looking for work.

And by the end of it, after reading and applying to places that wont even look at my resume (their words, not mine) ... I sit back and realize how inadequate I am.

I've had to actually cut down on job searching. I use to do it daily. Now I do it three days a week. The hurt, rejection, and general feelings of failure got to be too much. It was getting to the point where I was literally praying for death every day. At least I only think about it 3 days a week now. It's been a long struggle and I don't know how much more my heart and head can take.

Stupid employment agencies wont even help me! Have I heard a peep from them? NO. They're reply: "when something comes up, we'll let you know!" In other words my lack of experience and skills is unneeded.

Hello brick wall I have hit... next time maybe I'll hit it hard enough that my existence will shatter.

And before anyone replies to this with a list of improvements to make or things I'm doing wrong...

Please don't bother. Please. Please. It's the LAST thing I need to hear right now. I already know what an inadequate failure I am. Besides...

I've gone through the checklists.
I've read the tips.
I've listened to others about what I'm doing wrong and have tried to improve it.
I've redone my resume. I'VE LIED and felt so badly about it tossed that resume out the window!

I've only had two interviews in TWO YEARS. And I was positive and as confident as I could possibly be. One good thing about me, is that I'm good at hiding my emotions. I'm a mess on here. It's my outlet. A way to scream into the void and let it out.

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